Intimacy and Connection Possible After A Divorce

53 Year Woman Divorced After Adult Children Leave The House and Meets Man of Her Dreams At a Cafe

April 26, 20245 min read

Laura was married for 22 years to her previous husband. They had three beautiful children that grew up and by the time the youngest left the house, their marriage simply turned into a roommate situation. Truly staying together just for the kids, although cordial the love fizzled and sex left the picture long ago.

By the time they divorced, they were living their own lives. Because it was 22 years of cohabitation it was emotionally painful but also extremely relieving and freeing.

Laura had a secret though.

Although she wanted to find new love, she was extremely scared.

Ever since Laura's last child, she never once enjoyed an intimate moment with her husband.

She gritted her teeth through the entirety of the very scarce occurrence of their sex experiences. Deep down she believed this is where their emotional connection got lost and where the marriage started to fizzle.

This impacted her belief that she would probably be alone for the rest of her life....

Until....Laura ran into her elementary school friend’s mom, Winnie, at the coffee shop.

Winnie had always been a second mom to Laura throughout her secondary school years. Laura was in awe of the glow that Winnie still possessed at 78. She found out that she had lost her husband years ago and she was in a new relationship with an older man named Bob. Winnie dropped a note during their conversations mentioning sex only gets better when you get to her age. That left Laura feeling slightly excited and deeply hesitant.

Laura confided in Winnie that lack of sex was probably a big piece to why her marriage failed, and of course she was carrying some of that heavy guilt and blame. She felt like something was wrong with her and she blamed herself for not getting in shape down there since having kids. Her doctor had told her to do kegels years ago and although she would go through phases, nothing really seemed to help.

During their conversation Winnie briefly said, "you must have done pelvic floor therapy since having children. Didn't that help restore your sex life?” Laura actually had tried pelvic floor PT for the peeing herself while exercising and was given kegels and exercises. It helped some, and although things were slightly better on the pee front she never knew it could help with sex.

Laura said she had, and said the kegels didn't help. And Winnie, the older woman told Laura, "it's not about the kegels my dear. It's about the work they do inside you that restores everything down there." Winnie mentioned she went to Body Motion Physical Therapy and still goes 1x per month to literally keep her in shape down there. Winnie told Laura, “I'm not fibbing to you. Sex truly can be so good. I hope you'll consider it, Laura.”

When Laura got home, she couldn't help but think of the vitality and pizazz that Winnie was living with. She also was equally slightly excited about the potential for it not to be too late for her to have a new partner. She was too nervous to really even consider anything about what Winnie had recommended but the hope was at least fun to think about.

The next day Laura went to do a little work in the same coffee shop. She couldn't get this little girl-like luster out of her head. Dreaming up what it would be like to be intimate with someone again. Looking around the coffee shop she saw a couple of cute men. She couldn't even recall the last time she ever thought a man was handsome or had any desire at all to ever consider what that could look like.

At home that night after bingeing Ozark and another romance story, she pulled the trigger and googled pelvic floor therapy.....

She did her research looking at different websites across-the-board. Just stale healthcare that didn't really even explain what this actually meant and the question of whether it could affect her sex life.

Yes, sex was painful but it's not like that's how she would describe it. It was achy-tolerable but just not good.

She gritted her teeth through the entire end of her marriage. She didn't have a lot of hope wrapped up into physical therapy since she had already tried, but Winnie had mentioned that she goes to her place every month. So Laura decided to look there. She thought it might be a little weird if Winnie saw her there, but she could try and do it as secretly as humanly possible.

When she called the next day she hung up after someone answered. When they called back she started to divulge that she wanted to book an appointment. She didn't even really tell what was going on. She was too reserved; as she was 53 she had accepted this as just part of aging.

The lady on the phone was so kind and sweet and extremely patient. She asked Laura super uncomfortable questions and Laura kind of lied because she just didn't have the gumption to share over the phone. She took the appointment for the consultation with a doctor there but the embarrassment and shame was so real, but Laura kept going back to Winnie's glow, so she said yes.

Immediately after consultation Laura was put at ease. She started her treatments right away and she honestly felt it lit her up from the inside out. This was exactly what she needed in the last 22 years of marriage, even before she had children.

It was the way her body was feeling the openness, the freedom, the desire; it was all incredible.

Laura ended up meeting a man at the same coffee shop she ran into Winnie. They had a serious love affair that was amazing and everything she had hoped for. It was truly everything she had dreamed up. Of course the guilt, it kind of switched to if she would've done this sooner could she have saved her marriage. But she will never know, and she is just truly grateful that she gets to live this vibrant life with the same glow and light that she ran into with Winnie now 2 years prior. Now she really does know what Pelvic floor work and therapy should look like. So Laura wanted to share her story.

All names have been changed for the protection of the client.

Dr. Allison Feldt, PT, DPT

Owner of Body Motion Physical Therapy + Best Selling Author

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